My Future

There are some changes that will be happening in my life soon and I could really use your prayers. I am burnt out on my job as Mission Services Representative and have let my boss know that I am at the end of my time here. I have committed to stay in this position through the summer because the summer is such a busy time for us. The fall is a slower season for us so we will be able to train someone to take my place before we get busy again. I have a few different options for what I could do after I leave this position but I am not sure which one to take. My boss has made it clear that Amor would love to keep me and move me into a new position. I have also though about going back to school and completing a degree and Amor is willing to work around my school schedule. I have a lot to think about and could really use your prayers for wisdom and clarification.

Please pray for me to have a servant's heart. I have been very stressed and very busy and have not had the best attitude lately. It is so hard to remain joyful when I am doing a job that I no longer enjoy. Every day I struggle with the fact that I don't enjoy my job because I feel as if I should enjoy whatever ministry God has placed me in. By the end of every work day I am so mentally and emotionally exhausted that I don't feel like I can communicate with anyone, including God. So, my relationship with God is suffering and I can't quite get a grasp on how to bring it back to where it should be. Last night at church my pastor was speaking words to the people in the crowd who felt burnt out on life and needed a fresh start with God. Usually during that time in the sermon my mind wanders all over the place but last night my heart was hurting and I heard every word he said. I need to figure out how to get that fresh start. I can picture God standing and waiting for me to take a hold of His hand again. After all, we have been walking together for a long time. For some reason I just lost my energy to keep moving forward and I sat down to take a break. Now He is waiting for me to get back up and start walking forward with Him again. It is hard to look at my life and have no clue who I am or where I am going anymore. I will be 26 in a couple months and I feel like I should have it figured out by now, but I am coming to the realization that maybe people never have it totally figured out. Maybe that continual search is what keeps us growing.

I just went back and read the words that I wrote and I wonder if it will make sense to any of you. It amazes me how one little thing like being burnt out on my job can leave me feeling so tired and lost in every aspect of my life.

Please just pray for me and my future.

Happy Easter!

I realize that it has been awhile since I last wrote in here, the past week has been VERY busy! Thanks for praying for dry weather last weekend, God blessed us with sunshine. We checked in all 3700 people smoothly and safely. And even though it rained during the week, hundreds of new homes were built in Tijuana, Tecate, Rosarito and Juarez Mexico. I came into the office today at 7am to send a group of 200 people across the border and now I have a little bit of a break before another 1000 people cross the border today. Pray for us today and tomorrow as we have another 1100 people crossing the border tomorrow.

When I think of Easter, I think of going to church with my family and then spending the whole day together. This is my third year in a row that I have spent my Easter working here at Amor. In the past it hasn't bothered me much but this year I really miss my family. I called my parents on the way to work this morning and told them I love them, miss them and hope they have a great Easter. Later today I will call my older sister and tell her the same, but I just wish that I could spend the day with all of them like old times. Tamara is going to come down and help check in groups with me today so I am blessed to have my younger sister around, but I know she misses the family also. I hope that all of you get to spend the special day with family and loved ones.

Rain in Tijuana

Please pray for dry weather in San Diego and Tijuana. Right now there is rain in the forecast for this weekend and next week. The areas where we build homes in Tijuana, Rosarito and Tecate get extremely muddy and difficult to navigate when it rains. The picture I posted below is a neighborhood that we were in a couple months ago when it rained, the streets literally turn into rivers. With 3700 people crossing the border this weekend and building next week, we could really use dry weather. It breaks my heart when a group has to stop building a home because of the weather, the receiving family has to continue to live in a makeshift home in the rain. So Amor Ministries really needs your prayers right now. Thanks so much!

Rain in Tijuana

Prayer 2

No matter what I do, I can't get the picture in the previous blog to work properly if I try and add words to it.

That picture is one of my favorite Mexico pictures. I took it during my Amor Internship in the summer of 2002 and something about the group praying really inspires me.

I really enjoy this blogging thing, much more than I expected. It helps me escape reality for a little while...

Prayer 

Today

Today has been a pretty good day. I am overwhelmed with voicemails and emails but have not lost my temper or burst into tears yet. Just to give you an idea of the amount of phone calls I get, yesterday in the span of three hours (hours that I was constantly on the phone) I got 27 voicemails. Today I have been trying to respond to those voicemails but have received 22 more voicemails in the process. Crazy! This weekend we have over 3700 people crossing the border into Mexico to build homes for families, it is very exciting! The whole Amor staff including myself is pretty much living at the office this weekend. As tired as I am, I am really looking forward to checking all the groups in and getting them across the border. I love feeling the excitement in the air when there are thousands of people standing outside of our office waiting to hop in their vans and go to Mexico. I love overhearing the teenage girls talk about how they are not going to use a real shower or toilet for a whole week. I just really love everything that this ministry does! Speaking of which, I better get back to returning my voicemails and emails...

Sammy and Suki

I took this picture of my two dogs this past weekend, aren't they the cutest? Suki (the little one) got a hair cut this weekend and the grooming place had her for six hours. When I picked her up the lady that cut her hair said that Suki would only allow her to touch her. Anytime anyone else came close, Suki would try to attack them. She thinks that she is a pitbull. The other one, Sammy is the sweetest, most gentle dog in the world. She is epileptic and very frail, I love them both to death. They bring so much joy to my life so I thought that I would share them with the rest of you...

Sammy and Suki

Stress

new friends

Whenever my job stresses me out to the point of not remembering why I am here, I look at this picture. Everything Amor does is for kids like this and their families...

Today I realized that I have been a bit selfish lately. I have been so stressed out and busy at work and all I have been thinking about is getting my stuff done without breaking down in tears or screaming. Last week I spent a lot of time vocalizing my anger about different groups coming on trips, different rules or policies here that seem absolutely ridiculous or the fact that my computer and phone never seem to work properly when I am busy. My job requires me to be on the phone and computer all day long, how am I supposed to successfully do my job when nothing works correctly?! The week before last, I spent a lot of time crying. I couldn't handle the rude trip leaders who always seem to take out their anger on me even though their anger has nothing to do with me. One day I cried for 45 minutes straight before finally grabbing me stuff and going home. I cried the entire way home also. I am burnt out on my job and this is the busiest time of the year for Amor. So every day I go to work and I focus on getting myself through the day without another outburst. This morning I stopped focusing on myself for a moment and realized that a lot of my co-workers look like they are about to lose it as well. Lydia's dad got really sick last week and is in the hospital. Several years ago he had a stroke and has been living in a home ever since. Lydia has been spending every night in the hospital with him and he does not even recognize her. The doctors are afraid that he might have another stroke at any moment. Yet Lydia comes to work every day with a smile on her face and does her job. Today I walked by her desk and she complimented me on my sweater and my new hair cut. I walked away thinking that if my dad were in the hospital in such bad shape, I would not be acting so nice. Katie's car broke down the other day, actually her car is always breaking down. But this time it is going to cost so much money to fix that it is probably not worth fixing. Her living situation is so stress ridden and dramatic that she never wants to go home, last week she spent two nights at my house just so she would not have to be around her roommates. She has so much going on yet she is one of my favorite people to around. Sometimes when I am stressed I go and sit by her desk because I know that she can make me smile and laugh. Last week Katie brought me Jamba Juice for breakfast just because she knew I would enjoy it. Lydia and Katie are just two of my co-workers, if I wrote about the stress that all the others are carrying, this blog would never end. I am a selfish person to not have clearly seen my friends and co-workers faces before today. I bet that I would be a lot happier if I spent more time loving them and less time focusing on myself...

First Blog

Well, I have finally joined the world of blogging. People have been telling me to do this for awhile and I have been wanting to but just have not gotten around to it. Unfortunately my newsletters that I send out about my ministry with Amor (http://www.comebuildhope.com) are getting fewer and farther in between due to busyness, so maybe this is a better option for me. We will see how well it goes...