Shouting In My Sleep

New Blog

2011-07-15T16:47:00.003+07:00

After about 8 years on Blogger I have decided to move my blog over to WordPress. So come on over and read my latest ranting at:

www.jleeperphotography.com

Sin

2011-06-22T12:31:00.000+07:00

This one's for you Fav, you should use it in one of your sermons. :)

A Story of Victory

2011-05-18T21:52:00.002+07:00

If you like to read blogs, you should definitely follow my friend Karyn and her blog Girl of Cardigan. She has an honest way of writing that always leaves me pondering the meaning of life. Or the meaning of fashion. Or ways to save money...

Anyway I was catching up on her blog tonight when I came across this gem. It got me thinking about the victory that we already have in God. I'm going through my own personal stuff right now, we all are. And I'm really good at putting my struggles in perspective when I'm hanging out with orphans, rescuing people from the sex trade or in general just surrounded by a godless people in a godless nation. (That last sentence makes me sound way cooler than I am, definitely not tooting my own horn!) But I get home at the end of the day and I curl up in bed with my dogs and all my personal stuff comes rushing back in. How often do I acknowledge the victory that is already mine and give it all to God? Not very often. It's more likely that I fall asleep pleading with God to fix all that is wrong and give me a little peace.

But the victory is already mine, the battle has already been won. God doesn't need me pleading and begging for world peace, He's already got it in the bag, without my help. So I am trying to learn to give everything to him and rest in the victory He has given me. Seems much easier to do it His way.

Before I sign off, I have to share my favorite part of Karyn's post which I am still pondering (go read the whole thing!):

So often I look at people and forget to notice that they are more than the moments I’ve witnessed. We’re all wandering around with our baggage and our scars, and each one of us will remain a total mystery to a huge percentage of the folks we’ll meet. It’s comforting and terrifying, this knowing that we have all had to do our own overcoming, that each of us is breakable, that we have all returned from our own unimaginables.

Identity in Christ

2011-05-18T20:50:00.002+07:00

There's a moment when you suddenly realize that you've placed a large portion of your identity in a person rather than God. Unfortunately that moment usually comes when that person fails you. Fortunately there is a God, the only true God, who is waiting to make you feel whole again. How lucky are we?!

Pagers

2011-05-04T23:19:00.002+07:00

The following is a conversation I just had with Tam on Kik (which is awesome, btw. If you have it, let me know and we can chat.):

(Tam is in blue, I'm in green.)

Remember when you had a pager?

You were so cool.

Awesome.

I would page you and wait and wait for you to call.

And be like, "I typed 911, why isn't she calling?"

And I'd have to find a pay phone and then money to call you.

What was your code so that I knew it was you?

You're so 1996.

That is totally the year I got my first pager, I felt so cool wearing it. Sometimes I'd pull it out and look at it just so people would think I was important.

Or you would make it buzz.

I was rad.

I love technology and the fact that I can chat real time with my sister from the other side of the world for free.

I don't miss my pager or faking my importance...

Compliments From The Unknown

2011-04-21T20:58:00.002+07:00

So I'm walking through the mall today and this woman comes up next to me, turns her head 90 degrees and stares at me. I look at her, smile and continue walking but she doesn't stop staring or walking right beside me. I look at her again thinking that maybe I know her, but I don't so I stop and smile at her again. She stops also and the following conversation happens (all in Thai but I'll translate it to English just cause I love you all).

unknown woman: "You are so beautiful."

me: "Wow, thank you."

unknown woman: "Oh! You speak Thai?"

me: "Yes, some."

unknown woman: "You are beautiful, so beautiful. Are you American?"

me: "Yes."

unknown woman, said while stroking my arm: "Oh. You are beautiful, I like you."

me: "Thank you so much."

And then we parted ways. I have to say that I like that unknown woman, she made my day. :)

Emotional Range of a Teaspoon

2011-03-27T17:15:00.003+07:00

Those of you who know me, know that I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan. A pre-order all the books, stay up for midnight shows, often quotes the books and relates them to every day life, owns a plastic wand kind of fan. One of my favorite quotes comes from The Order of the Phoenix when Hermoine is explaining Cho Chang to Harry and Ron and the following exchange happens:

"One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode." -Ron

"Ron, just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have." -Hermoine

Every once in a while, usually when I'm caught up in some emotional roller-coaster, I think that it would be a lot easier to be a man. Men seem to be less emotional, more practical. I'm not saying that they all have the "emotional range of a teaspoon" but it's better than having the emotional range of the Pacific Ocean. So yes, sometimes I wish I was a man. Am I alone in wishing that? Maybe I am, maybe I'm not. Either way, I accept the weirdness of it, and I move on. :)

This past week was a really emotional week for me. At different points in time I was happy, sad, angry, joyful, frustrated, downright annoyed, thankful, exhausted, excited etc. In the midst of my emotional roller-coasters I tend to want to curl up, fall asleep and not wake up until my emotions have evened out. However, when the ride is finished I like to look back and figure out if I learned anything from it. Was there anything that God was trying to teach me or was it simply circumstances and hormones?

Today I looked back on the past week and once again, God brought Ruth to my mind. He's been doing that a lot lately. Ruth has always been my favorite woman in the bible and I've read her story a million times (okay, I exaggerate a little bit) because she inspires me so much. She was brave, wise, hard working, loyal, obedient and blessed. Ruth had some horrible stuff happen to her but she followed where God led her and He blessed her because of it. She left her country, family, home and moved to a country where her people were not accepted. Even after her husband died, she remained loyal to her mother-in-law and followed God. Out of love, she threw herself into a menial job amongst people who should have hated her and I imagine she did it all with a smile on her face. In the end she was blessed with acceptance and someone to love her and care for her for the rest of her life. I believe that when people looked at Ruth, they saw God.

I want to be like Ruth. I want to be unconditionally loyal to the people in my life. I want to work hard, without being asked, even if the job given me seems menial and boring. I want to be brave (don't we all!). I want to be obedient to those above me without feeling like I hate being told what to do (something I struggle with sometimes). I want to have God-given wisdom in every area of my life. And I want to look back and know that God has blessed me for following Him wherever he called. And more than anything, I want people to see God when they look at me. I want His presence and love to pour out of me so that the people I come in contact with can't help but be changed by Him.

That's not too much to ask for, is it? :)

I'm not sure exactly why God used this emotional roller coaster to show me these specific things, but I'm happy to be reminded. Lord, feel free to remind me anytime!

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back." -Philippians 3:12-14 (The Message)

"Summertime and the livin is easy..."

2011-03-11T14:25:00.005+07:00

Each year as March creeps closer, I start cringing in anticipation of another Thailand summer. I'm a winter person at heart. At least I used to be, but after five years in Thailand I'm now a bit of a wimp in the cold. But I still prefer cold to hot. I love layering on clothes and curling up under piles of blankets at night. I love fireplaces and sitting next to the heater. I love the whole process of trying to get warm. I don't, however, love trying to get cool. There's only so much you can do, so many layers you can remove before you can no longer leave your house.

I'm pretty sure that God chuckled a little bit and His sense of humor came out on the day He decided to send me to Thailand. Thailand, a country that is hot 98% of the time. A country where the summers get so hot and humid you feel like you are breathing water. A country where you sweat so much that three showers a day just doesn't feel like enough.

And once again, here it is. Summer has arrived, my prayers that it would forget to come this year did not work. (insert sigh of frustration...)

The heat tends to make me lazy, I start procrastinating and don't want to leave my house.

And every year at this time, I start looking back on my life and wondering if I've accomplished enough. Sometimes I look back and feel incredibly accomplished, like I'm living the life I am supposed to live and doing more than I ever imagined. Other times I look back and feel like I have accomplished nothing, that I'm lazy and need to do so much more. Today I felt the latter. So I decided to fight it because it is obviously the devil whispering lies in my ear. He knows how to bring me down and I've decided that I'm not going to let him do it this time. I've decided to be positive and start writing down my accomplishments, the things the Lord has helped me to do.

So devil, you may as well back off, because you are not going to win this one!

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" -Phil. 4:13

Under the Red Lights

2011-02-03T08:59:00.000+07:00

A while back I stumbled across a blog which I quickly fell in love with. The writer and her husband were getting ready to move to Chiang Mai to do missions work so I sent her a quick email to let her know that another Thailand missionary was praying for them. Unexpectedly she emailed back, we became friends on Facebook and now keep in touch. Ericka and Rusty have now been in Thailand for a few weeks and I'm looking forward to meeting them (in person) when I get back to Chiang Mai in a couple weeks.

They recently posted this video on their blog and it really touched me because it shows such raw emotion about something that is very common place in Thailand. It's something that people don't like to talk about but it's a problem that runs rampant and needs to be stopped. Even after 5+ years, it still hurts me every time I see it, which is sometimes daily. Anyway, I wanted to share this video so others will be aware of the problem and be praying!!

Under the Red Lights from Rusty Jackson on Vimeo.

Christmas and Ya's Birthday

2010-12-31T16:44:00.006+07:00

Christmas in Thailand is always an experience. I always get really homesick around the holidays, I miss my family and long to spend Christmas day with them. Unfortunately finances make that impossible so over the past few years, I've created my own Christmas traditions.

Every year on Christmas Eve a group from church goes caroling. Caroling is a very different experience in Thailand and consists of lots of plans and lots of food. People from church sign up to host the carolers and the group goes from house to house. After they sing, they are invited in and fed a lot of food, spending 30 minutes to 2 hours at each house. This year I got the last slot of the night and the carolers were supposed to show up at midnight. Aon, Ya and myself prepared food and drinks and sat down to watch movies while waiting. Midnight came and went. 1am, 2am, finally at 2:30am the carolers showed up. They sang, ate, hung out and finally went home before 4am. I decided that I am way too old for middle of the night parties! But over all, it was great fun!

After the carolers left, Aon, Ya and myself decided to go ahead and open our gifts to each other so that we could sleep late in the morning. Guess what? I bought Aon a new watch, Aon bought Ya a new watch and Ya bought me a new watch. It was pretty funny!

This was Isaac when we finally went to bed after 4am. Isn't he cute?!

One of the best parts about Christmas day is that it is also Ya's birthday. This year we celebrated with a group of friends at Paul and Donna's house. We had Christmas dinner and a birthday cake for Ya. But the best part was just hanging out with my Thailand family and enjoying the holiday. Here's a few photos from the evening:
Ya with her birthday cake.

Me with Gary and Evelyn, a very inspiring missionary couple in their 90s.

The PMI Gang: Donna, me, Ya, Aon, Paul.

My Thai family: Dakhota, me, Ya and Aon.

Mae Toh Outreach

2010-12-31T16:19:00.006+07:00

On December 18th we headed out to Mae Toh for our annual outreach at the kid's home/church there. It was a great day of ministry and fun and I'm already looking forward to next year! We gave away 500 pairs of shoes and lots of snacks. Rather than write more, I think I'll just share some of my favorite photos of the day. :)

Faith Village Outeach

2010-12-31T14:31:00.003+07:00

Faith Village was started about 20 years ago by a Christian couple, David and Paula. Paula is American and David is half Thai, half Burmese. David comes from a Burmese people group called the Shan and he had a heart and a calling to save more Shan people. Unfortunately the Shan people have been in a desperate situation for a long time and many of them were fleeing to Thailand to escape persecution. Thousands of children were being captured in Burma and forced to become child soldiers and David aimed to rescue them. It started with seven boys and has since grown into what we now call Faith Village, a home and church in Thaton, Thailand.

As a ministry we visit Faith Village (FV) every three weeks to spend time with the kids, teach the adults and pour ourselves into the people there. It has become something that I look forward to and every time I go, it feels a little more like home.

On December 10-11, the PMI team (myself, Aon, Ya, Paul and Donna) drove the 3 hours to Faith Village for our annual Christmas outreach, bringing with us an American team of 9 people. We also brought 500 pairs of Crocs and snacks to hand out to the children.

Our first outreach was to a brick village near FV. Years ago some Shan people escaped into Thailand but were not able to get jobs because they are illegal. So they started their own brick factory which has since grown and now provides jobs and housing for many refugees. We sang songs with the kids, shared the gospel and gave away the shoes and snacks to the kids. It was a lot of fun and I loved seeing how they made the bricks. I took some great photos but unfortunately all my photos were deleted when my computer crashed a few weeks ago. :(

Our second outreach was to a village in the midst of hundreds of orange groves. Most of the people had never heard about Jesus before and they had definitely never had any foreigners visit. There was a little building where we set up to share the gospel and give away the gifts. As soon as we showed up, we were mobbed by hundreds of people who were so excited that we were there. They filled the building, there were people hanging in the windows and there were tons sitting outside. It was crazy and chaotic but I couldn't stop smiling the whole time. It is so amazing to share the gospel with people for the very first time!

Our last outreach was back at FV where one more time we shared the gospel and gave out gifts. Overall it was a great weekend and God was moving! Here is a video of the weekend that the team took followed by a couple photos that Aon took:

Shoe drop from Sarah Dale Simpkins on Vimeo.

Happy Father's Day/Birthday

2010-12-05T23:51:00.003+07:00

Today is the King of Thailand's 83rd birthday. In honor of His Majesty, I give you the king's anthem.

Interesting fact: Father's Day and Mother's Day in Thailand always fall on the reigning King and Queen's birthdays.

Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there!

And Happy Birthday to HM the King! :)

Christmas Wish Lists

2010-10-28T13:30:00.004+07:00

A few people have been asking for Christmas Wish Lists from Aon, Ya and myself and we got super duper excited at the thought of having Christmas gifts this year! However, we didn't expect it to be quite so hard to figure out what to ask for. :| So I've put together this list which ranges from really expensive (dreaming big) to not at all expensive (dreaming realistically). I'll be adding to it as we think of things so if you don't see something that you want to send, check back later or just surprise us! :)

Jen’s Wish List

iPad

Kindle

iTunes Gift Cards

Pants, size 14

Shirts, size L

Books (Fantasy/SciFi/anything!!)

TOMS shoes, size 7, any color

Aon’s Wish List

iPod Touch

Levi’s, size 29/29

Pants, size 2/4

Shirts, size S

Silver jewelry

Ya’s Wish List

Crocs *Crocband Flat, size 7, color black

Sewing Machine

Recipe Books

Craft Books (sewing, beading, etc.)

Pants, size 4/6

Shirts, size S/M

General Things for all 3 of us:

Money towards a beach trip that we hope to take next year (the girls have never been)

Snacks (granola bars, trail mix, anything)

Toothpaste (Aquafresh, Mentadent refills)

Melatonin

Benedryl

Vitamins

Ibuprofen

If you've made it this far, let me tell you a little about us in case you want to free lance in your gift giving. :)

Aon is 33 and very down to earth. You wouldn't know it upon first meeting her but she loves fashion; pretty clothes, jewelry, etc. She likes to take pictures and see the beauty in the things around her that most people might not mention. Aon is our teacher, preacher and friend.

Ya is 32 and crafty. She can fix pretty much anything that is broken and enjoys doing it. She loves to bake and her baked goods are amazingly delicious!! She enjoys sewing and dreams of one day owning a sewing machine. Ya and my mom would get along great! Ya is our dreamer with a smile that lights up a room.

I'm assuming that you already know me if you are reading this. But if not:

Jen is 31 and a bit of a book nerd. She's a homebody who is content as long as there are books and friends nearby. She loves technology and thinks the internet is a God-send! Jen loves to write and take photos and even more, she loves when her photos make others smile. Jen is our documenter, recording our lives as we go, on film and in print.

If you would like to send Christmas gift to these wonderful (and very poor) girls, they can be sent to:

178/236 Moo 7, WCL

T.Nong Kway, A. Hang Dong

Chiang Mai, 50230

Thailand

Any questions? :)

Cultural Differences

2010-10-24T14:59:00.002+07:00

My latest e-newsletter.

I’ve been thinking about cultural differences a lot lately. Whether the culture we are a part of is the country we live in, our age group or the color of our skin, it defines who we are. I live in a country where the color of my skin causes me to stand out and daily I am referred to as a “farang”, meaning foreigner. I am constantly receiving comments about how white my skin is, how blue my eyes are and how light my hair is. Needless to say, it’s impossible for me to forget that I am living in a culture that is not my own.

My closest friends are two Thai girls named Aon and Ya who are around my age. We work together, live together and hang out together. We’ve gotten to know each other so well over the years that we tend to talk the same, act the same and finish each other’s sentences. We’ve even developed our own form of Tainglish (half English, half Thai) language. Because we are so close, I often forget that we are actually from very different cultures.

The other day there was a story on the news about a sixteen year old girl in America who ran away from home. Ya asked me why the girl would run away from a good home, what she was thinking. I said “You know how it is when you are sixteen and you have no responsibilities but think you know everything. You rarely think of anyone but yourself.” At this both Aon and Ya stared at me in confusion and I remembered again that we are from different cultures, different worlds.

The girls grew up in farming towns in Southern Thailand. They finished school at age twelve and both moved alone to Bangkok at the age of thirteen to work. They got positions in homes where they cleaned, cooked, took care of children and the elderly and did pretty much anything else they were told. They worked seven days a week and made about $20 a month, all of which was sent home to their families. Families that they didn’t see for a year or two at a time. By the age of eighteen, they were making about $35 a month and by the age of twenty-five, they were making about $65 a month. I once asked them as kids what they dreamed about being when they grew up. It broke my heart to learn that they didn’t dream of anything because once they were old enough to think about their future, they already knew they were being sent away to support their families.

When I was thirteen the biggest decision I had to make was what outfit would make me look the coolest at school. I didn’t even have a job until after I graduated high school. We grew up in completely different worlds, different cultures.

A large percentage of the world grows up like Aon and Ya did. Kids all over the world are being sent to work at incredibly young ages because their families are too poor to keep them in school. I can’t help but be incredibly thankful for the childhood I had, for the things my parents gave me. I don’t write this because I feel sorry for Aon and Ya. I’m thankful for the experiences that they had because it made them who they are today, my best friends. I write this because I think that sometimes we need to think outside of our own culture, we need to re-evaluate our priorities and remember what is truly important in our lives. What is important to you?

Hidden Beauty

2010-08-29T20:05:00.003+07:00

I've been sorting through my photos lately and thought I'd post a few from my trip to Mae Sot last month. These are from the trash dump we visited, where people are literally living on and in the trash. Their circumstances were horrible but their smiles were beautiful!!

Sneeze

2010-08-25T19:47:00.000+07:00

This video is hilarious! I just had to share it because it made us (Aon, Ya, me) laugh so hard. Watch the mom...

Focus, Week 6

2010-08-14T16:20:00.003+07:00

I couldn't decide on 2 or 3 this week... :)

Focus, Week 5

2010-08-07T19:57:00.002+07:00

Memory... is the diary that we all carry about with us. ~Oscar Wilde

2010-08-04T20:12:00.002+07:00

This is the story of how I became friends with Charissa. :)

In the summer of 1993 I was 14 years old and attending my first year of high school summer camp. I'd been going to Heavenly Hills Christian Camp every summer since I was 5 years old but this year was going to be different because I was finally a high schooler. Which of course meant that I was completely grown up and knew everything that I would ever need to know. (ha!) For some reason, my older sister wasn't at camp that summer but one of her best friends was and I spent the whole week hanging out with DeeDee, who was a senior. DeeDee made me feel older, cooler and not quite as awkward as I knew I was. She also introduced me to a boy named Jason who was 16 and really cute. One night after the camp fire, we were all hanging out talking and Jason held my hand and asked me to attend the banquet with him at the end of the week. For any of you who was ever a 14 year old girl, you know that having the attention of a 16 year old boy makes you feel like you are on top of the world. Friday night rolled around and DeeDee helped me get dressed up and ready to go and I felt like a grown up, at least 16. :) We were sitting at the table eating dinner and the next table over was full of girls that I didn't know. They kept throwing things at me, mostly bread but one of them even threw a fork at me. I was totally confused about why they were doing this but tried to just ignore them and not be embarrassed by it. Still I couldn't figure out what I had done to make them not like me when they didn't even know me. All in all though, the night was fun. I talked to Jason a couple times after camp that summer, but nothing serious ever happened because after all, I was only 14. I do remember that he called me one night the following October, I remember because it was the night before my surgery which was a major event in my life. He told me not to be nervous because everything would turn out fine and I think that was the last time I ever spoke to him. But I'm getting off course, this post is about Charissa after all!

About a month after camp, I got a phone call from a girl who told me her name was Charissa and she knew me from camp. She called to tell me that she was sorry. She was sitting at the table next to mine at the banquet and it was her and her friends that were throwing things at me. She told me that the previous summer one of them had liked Jason (I don't remember if it was her or one of her friends) and the reason they threw stuff at me was because they were jealous. She said she was very sorry and asked if we could be friends.

I remember hanging up from that phone call and thinking she was pretty amazing for being brave enough to call and apologize. And I remember thinking that I definitely wanted to be friends with her, even though I still wasn't even sure what she looked like.

Charissa and I are still friends, 17 years later. We haven't seen each other since college but we keep in touch over email and I still consider her a great friend. And every time I think about how our friendship started, I can't help but admire her. I don't know what led to her making that phone call but she taught me a valuable lesson that day and I'm so glad that we are still friends. I hope that if I ever do someone wrong, I will be as brave as she was.

There was another time that she called me and I remember every word of our conversation (it was very short). She asked me how I was and when I told her I was fine, she said, "Are you sure?" I told her I was fine and she hesitated for a moment and then asked again, "Are you sure?" At that point, our phone call got disconnected and I couldn't call her back. But the thing was, I wasn't fine. My grandpa had died and moments before the phone rang, I had just found out and was sobbing. After that call, I decided that I was going to be more honest when people asked me how I was and to this day I still try.

I'm not sure why but I've been thinking about Charissa a lot lately. Over the years we hung out in and outside of camp until college when we both moved away. I'd love to hang out again sometime but in the meantime, thank you Charissa for the valuable lessons you taught me. I still admire you, 17 years later. :)

"Growth is the only evidence of life." John Henry Newman, 1864

2010-07-31T18:14:00.000+07:00

I've been suffering from insomnia lately, most nights not sleeping until 4 or 5am. That leaves a lot of time for lying in bed thinking, sometimes too much time considering I tend to over analyze things. Last night (this morning) I was thinking about change, a subject that could potentially lead to many more sleepless nights!

This has been a year of change for me. Last August I was still working at The Centre, but I was praying every day for God to release me. I didn't want to be there and I admit, I had a bad attitude. My heart wasn't in the ministry and I was confused about why I was in Thailand and what God wanted me to do. In September I left The Centre and continued to seek out what God wanted me to do. I was even more confused because suddenly I was without a primary ministry but I knew that God wanted me to stay in Thailand. In October I contacted Todd and Julie about volunteering for PMI (Powers Ministries International) while I had free time. In November I was planning outreaches and feeling passionate about ministry for the first time in a long time. December brought trips to villages, meeting people who I found I could easily love and knowing that PMI was a good fit for me. By January I was officially full time with PMI, having been asked by Todd and Julie to join their ministry. February was our Women's Conference which was a huge learning curve for me with all the details that go into planning such a huge event. March, April and May saw me traveling around the states, trying to raise support and learning that for the most part, America is poor. I learned that trusting God is hard for me but hugely important. In June and July I was back in Thailand learning to trust more, learning to pray, teach, love, listen and learning so many things that wouldn't fit in this post.

Last year at this time, I had lost my heart for people and wasn't sure where to find it. This year, I've found my heart again. I'm loving on kids and in return receiving love. I'm helping save children who have been sold into the sex trade time and time again and they are teaching me to truly love God. I am helping orphanages and churches, teaching leadership and ministry. I am training and debriefing missionaries. And in return God is teaching me, training me every single day. I am learning that when I am willing, God works miracles every single day. So every day I wake up and decide to be willing and follow God that day.

I hope that this changing, learning and growing never ends. I'm not saying that it is always fun, but the end result is always worth it. I thank God for this year of change and I can't wait to see where this next year leads me!

Thank you God!!

Focus, Week 4

2010-07-31T17:55:00.002+07:00

Focus, Week 3

2010-07-31T16:59:00.005+07:00

Focus, Week 2

2010-07-19T11:48:00.002+07:00

Focus, Week 1

2010-07-19T11:41:00.003+07:00

"When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence." Ansel Adams

I recently started year 2 of my 365 project and I'm going to attempt to post two or three favorites from each week on here. Enjoy! :)

http://365project.org/jleeper/year2

Why Wai?

2010-07-10T17:41:00.004+07:00

The other night Aon, Ya and I were talking about how confusing it can be to speak two languages. I mentioned to them that sometimes they speak English without realizing it and they pointed out to me that sometimes I speak Thai without realizing it. It is a strange thing when you brain starts thinking in two languages and you no longer automatically differentiate between the two. At this point I told them a story that occurred last Sunday at church and they could not stop laughing at me. Before I tell you the story though, I have to teach you a bit about the "wai."

The wai occurs when you put your two hand together in front of your chest like the photo below.

The wai occurs when greeting someone, saying goodbye or thank you and to show respect. Thais don't shake hands or kiss on the cheek or any of the other western traditions, we wai. And there are many different forms of it, depending on the amount of respect you want to show. Overall, it is an important part of life and is done repeatedly every day.

Even Ronald McDonald does it.

It is such a normal part of life that the wai along with the head bow comes just as easily as smiling. Lately I've been having trouble speaking all in English or all in Thai. And as I mentioned earlier, sometimes I think I'm speaking in English but it is coming out in Thai. This confusion is now spreading to my wais...

On Sunday I walked into church and on my way to sit down, I passed a Thai friend and a few steps later, I passed an American friend. Passing the Thai friend, I waved and said "hello." Passing the American friend, I did the wai and said "sa wat dee ka." I stood there for a moment in confusion then continued on to my chair with both friends laughing at me as I went. Of course, Aon and Ya thought this was hilarious when I shared it with them and they laughed for quite a while.

I'm still just shaking my head and wondering if the confusion ever ends... :)

Let Them Hear

2010-06-28T20:43:00.002+07:00

I have no words to offer, they simply get in the way.
When I try to explain You, there's nothing sacred left to say.
You are who You are, and You always will be.
So here is my prayer:

Let them hear You through me, and let Your words be mine.
Let them see that Your love is the reason I'm inspired,
And when given the choice, may they recognize Your voice.
Let them hear You through me, O Lord.

I don't have all the answers, all I know is what You've shown.
And I'm longing for the moment when You make Your mystery known.
But 'till then, I will be, what You've called me to be.
So again, hear my prayer:

Let them hear You through me, and let Your words be mine.
Let them see that Your love is the reason I'm inspired.
And when given the choice, may they recognize Your voice.
Let them hear You through me.

May I always know that words are not enough.

Let them hear You through me, and let Your words be mine.
Let them see that Your love is the reason I'm inspired.
And when given the choice, may they recognize Your voice.
Let them hear You through me, O Lord.

Let them hear You through me.

~~~~~~~~

"Let The Hear" by Ginny Owens

Isaac, the Pug

2010-06-26T21:19:00.002+07:00

Meet Isaac, the newest (short term) member of Ban Jen:

Isaac will staying with us for the next six months and has already made himself quite at home. Isn't he cute?

Checklist: First Encounters

2010-06-25T22:59:00.003+07:00

Things to do when meeting an attractive (and available) man:

1. Talk.

2. Stick to one language.

I seem to get stuck on #1 and if I somehow make it past there, #2 always gets me. Dang. I'm sure the list goes on but I wouldn't know. If I ever make it past #2, I'll let you know what comes next.

Dreaming With a Broken Heart

2010-06-19T21:46:00.004+07:00

*There is something about the song that I titled this post with that is so sad but so catchy at the same time. Darn you, John Mayer, for getting me to listen to depressing music over and over again!

There are days when I get to the end and my brain is so full that I literally have to force myself to crawl away into a book or I fear that it will never stop processing. Books are my refuge! Today is one of those days. And although the title of this blog suggests a sad day, it wasn't. It was a fantastic day! I went up to Ban Mae Toh with Aon, Ya and P'Chai and spent the day at the kid's home and church there. This village is about 2 hours up the mountain, outside of Chiang Mai and sits in absolute beauty. There are about 15 kids living at the home right now and they are wonderful! We brought them snacks, played games with them and just hung out. Pastor T (his name is way too difficult to attempt to spell) asked us if we would mind taking the 8 boys to get haircuts because they don't have a vehicle. So we loaded them in the back of the truck and drove them to the next village. After about an hour of haircuts, I handed the woman about $4.30 which covered all the cuts and a tip (crazy, huh?!) and we drove back home with 8 handsome boys in the back of the truck. We played volleyball and football (aka soccer) and had a lot of fun. It was a really fantastic day!

But driving away from the village, I couldn't help but think of all the ways we could help make their lives a little better if we just had the extra money. These kids are taken care and taught by Pastor T, his wife and other great Christian men and women but they only have a couple bibles to share between them. Thai bibles are really expensive and Thai bibles for kids are even more expensive. But I am determined to figure out how to get 15 bibles for these kids over the next few months. They are curious about Jesus and ask so many questions and it just breaks my heart that they don't even have bibles.

While we were there, the kids were talking about how they wished they had tables to do their homework on. Tables. Something we take for granted every day is something 7 year old kids are asking for as Christmas presents. They said that their backs always hurt from having to lay down to do their homework and sometimes they fall asleep. Tables, such a simple thing.

Last year I bought them some toys for Christmas and it was great to see that they still have them. This year I would love to get them sports equipment. They have homemade soccer goals and volleyball nets that are made from sticks stuck in the ground. Quite ingenious and I was surprised at how well they held up but it would great if they had actual goals and nets.

I could really go on and on about all the ways my heart yearns to help these kids but I'm sure you get the idea. I am just struck once again that there are so many needs in the world that most of us never think of.

How great would it be to be able to change a life with something as simple as a table?

Here's a couple photos from my day:

Above is the Ban Mae Toh area, isn't it beautiful?

Above is one of the boys from the kid's home, he's adorable!

The boys on our way home from getting their hair cut.

Aon and I with most of the kids at the end of the day, just before we left.

Falling behind or simply running ahead?

2010-06-18T19:44:00.002+07:00

In 2009 I wrote 129 blog posts. This is post #10 for 2010. I'd like to say that my lack of blogging is due to the fact that I am just too darn blessed with amazing opportunities that keep me busy 99% of the time. Yes, I'm gonna go with that, you should too.

"I make lists in my sleep, baby..."

2010-05-20T13:42:00.001+07:00

"...what's my sin? Never quit, I follow through. I hate mess but I love you."

There are so many things that I should have been blogging about over the past two months that I've been in America and it just hasn't been happening. I've been busy. And by busy, I mean crazy amounts of traveling and losing my mind while loving my life. It's been good. If I had been blogging, here are some of the things you might have read about here:

my time with my amazing friend, Dana and how great it was to reconnect with someone who knew me in all the awkwardness that was my life in junior high.
the haunted bathroom/ friendly ghost throwing things at me in an antique store
the newly released inmates I rode with
the mental patients I rode with including the lady who loved to paint
culture shock and all that comes with it; driving on the wrong side of the road, becoming overwhelmed in Target, randomly speaking Thai to non-Thai speakers and being stared at like I should have joined the lady who loved to paint, etc.
how incredibly blessed I am
how incredibly homesick I am
how it sucks to cry with friends over Skype
the violence in Thailand and how I wish it would stop
my nephews who just happen to be the most handsome boys in the world. fact.
insomnia
my innermost thoughts on all the things I'm learning about myself and the world
my curiosity about why people insist that I should have a Thai boyfriend
and many many many more

After having read that list, you are probably happy that I haven't been blogging. Yes, I'm always thinking about you. Yes, you.

Glimpse

2010-05-14T12:59:00.003+07:00

So I just found out that there is a TV show called "The Price of Beauty" in which Jessica Simpson travels the world to see what other cultures consider beautiful. Yes I know that I am way behind the times and you have probably all heard of it but I am always late in learning these things, it's the price I pay for living on the other side of the world. Anyway, I'm not at all sure what I think of the show but I just watched the first episode and in it she visited Thailand. I was impressed with the way they portrayed daily life in Thailand and it made even more homesick than I already am! Anyway, if you are curious about what life is like where I live, check it out by watching the video or clicking on the link for a bigger version.

The Price of Beauty: Thailand

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Fuzzy Wuzzy Was A Bear...

2010-05-08T12:02:00.003+07:00

It occurred to me today that I haven't kept up with my blogging like I promised so I thought I'd write a quick one tonight. I've been in the states for a month and a half and I have been so completely blessed. I have the most amazing friends, like SERIOUSLY amazing and I'd forgotten how great it is to be around them. I'm missing Thailand like crazy and have cried a couple times after talking to Aon and Ya over Skype but I know I'll be back there before long, In the meantime, I am enjoying myself and God is teaching me an abundance of lessons. And did I mention that I blessed? Because I am. REALLY BLESSED!

And now I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted and I think I deserve an early night. Love you all!

Catching Up

2010-03-29T03:23:00.005+07:00

Can't believe it's been almost two months since I last wrote a blog post. Today is probably not the best day for me to pick it back up but I kinda miss it and I'm thinking I've probably lost all my readers anyway...

Life is about as far from normal as it can get right now. On March 16th I flew from Thailand to the US via Seoul and Tokyo. It was a pretty long day (38 hours with the time difference) but my flights were relatively smooth and I liked flying Korean Air instead of my regular flights on China Air. My cousin Wendy picked me up from the airport and I spent that day and the following day with her. Wendy, her husband Joe and daughter Lena are amazing, I am so blessed to have them as a part of my family. There are few people in the world whom make others feel comfortable and at home with them all the time, but this family definitely fits that mold. I just wish I could spend more time with them! On Wednesday we went on a two mile hike near their home and I shot a bunch of photos. Not sure what made me decide that a hike in flip flops was a good idea the day after arriving but I got some good shots! :)

On Wednesday night I went down to San Diego and finally got to see Tam. A year and a half without seeing my sister is too long! It makes me wish apparition were really possible and I could see her any time I wanted. I got to spend that Friday with my good friend Erin whom I love and miss dearly. She had a precious little girl last year and meeting Avery was amazing! Look how beautiful she is in the photo I took:

On Saturday, Tam and I drove up to Porterville where our parents live. It was so good to see them again, I've missed them so much! And I finally got to meet Lucy whom is absolutely adorable!

On Tuesday night, Great Uncle Dick arrived and Tam and I both got to meet him for the first time. On Wednesday Tam and I drove to Sparks NV, picked up Andrew and Joshua and then drove back to Porterville. It was about a 14 hours day but totally worth it! I can't believe how grown up the boys are. Andrew is 12, Josh is 11 and they are both so nice, they definitely stole my heart years ago and still have it. I wish that I could see them more often. Every once in a while, between all the laughter, I can't help but be overcome by sadness when I'm with them. I so with that Tiffany was alive to see how amazing her boys are, she would be so proud! But after the sadness comes the reminder and the thankfulness that they are so loved by their dad and step-mom!

Yesterday morning Tam, Uncle Dick and the boys all went home, leaving mom, dad and I alone. The apartment seems very quiet after after 7 people and 5 dogs in it! Tomorrow I plan on heading up to San Jose and then the Sacramento area. After that I'll be in Southern CA and hopefully MO too. I keep trying to nail down my plans but having no money or transportation makes it difficult. Plus my jet-lag is pretty bad this time and that makes thinking about anything difficult. But overall, I'm happy to be here and happy to be with my family and friends. I'm truly blessed!

And I promise to write more about my trip as it happens... hopefully there is someone out there still reading! :)

Broadway, Here I Come!

2010-01-31T22:03:00.003+07:00

I came across these gems while cleaning out my hard drive today. They are from 2007 and I'm thinking that maybe I should have followed the music path in life, what do you think? :) Simon Cowell, here I come!

Jumbly Dumbly

2010-01-29T12:56:00.004+07:00

My mind is all a jumble right now but I haven't written anything in a while so I thought I write a few words to fill you all in. I only got a couple hours of sleep last night because Shadowfax was throwing up until about 5am. He just got neutered a couple days ago and was in bad shape so I spent the night sitting outside with him while he was sick. All of this is to say, I'm sorry if this post makes no sense. :)

The first thing on my mind lately is money and although nobody really likes to talk about or hear about money, I'm gonna share a little. My support is way down right now, I've never been in this situation before and I could really use your prayers. I currently have about $150 dollars to my name and the first of the month is coming with means rent is due as well as other bills. I'm already late on my phone bill so here's hoping my internet doesn't get turned off mid sentence. :) I believe there are a few reasons for this dip in support. The economy, the busyness of the holidays and some confusion about where people are supposed to send money. There are probably a lot of reasons but knowing them doesn't make living, eating and paying my bills any easier. My heart knows that God wants me here and that He is going to provide what I need, but my head can't help but worry continually. And yet, even as I write this, I feel guilty for doubting God and I feel myself needing to be stronger. Pray for me, will ya?

The other thing taking up all my time is the planning for a conference. Next month PMI is hosting a women's conference in Chiang Mai and it is going to be awesome, I am really excited about it! But I never realized how much goes into planning such a big event. Everything from the venue to the decor to themes to childcare and food and the list just goes on and on. I'm learning a lot and I'm really looking forward to the conference!

I've also been thinking a lot about my trip back to the states this year. I originally planned to leave at the beginning of March but my financial troubles and busyness have caused me to put that on hold for a little bit. I've been waiting until I have the funds to pay for the trip but I've decided to go ahead and get a plane ticket and plan for the trip, trusting that God is going to provide the money I need. And I know He will, He always does. So, right now you can probably expect to see me sometime in late March. I'll let you all know the exact dates after I get my ticket. Please pray for my plans! Thanks friends, I love you all!

A Photo A Day #2

2010-01-29T12:49:00.002+07:00

Sorry I am about 5 days late with this, these are last week's photos. Enjoy!

A Photo A Day

2010-01-17T14:53:00.003+07:00

Some of you have been asking me to post my daily photos on here again and it makes me happy that you all want to see them because I am having a great time taking them. I don't have time to log on here and post every day however, so I thought maybe I'd try posting them once a week. So here is last week's photos:

"I decided that adventure was the best way to learn."

2010-01-14T17:41:00.003+07:00

This morning I returned home from ten days down south in Isaan with Aon and Ya. It was a trip full of adventures and eye opening experiences from which I learned a lot (did you know that chickens sleep in the tops of trees?). The girls both grew up in small villages where life is absolutely and completely different from the life I knew growing up. Living in Thailand for the past four years has taught me that my personal world is minuscule compared to the actual world that I live in. But this trip taught me that I still have no clue how the world works!

As I write this I have been awake for about 35 hours and I honestly don't know how my brain is functioning so instead of going into details, I figured I'd share the high and low points of the trip as well as a couple photos.

High Point: I had the chance to visit the school where Aon attended when she was young. The day before we bought new shoes and were going to drop them off for all the students. At the last minute, Aon informed me that the teachers wanted me to present the shoes in front of the students. For those of you that know me, you know that this is not my thing. My comfort zone lies somewhere between hiding behind my camera and organizing paperwork, I am an introvert and love being behind the scenes. So the idea of standing on stage and presenting shoes did not bring a smile to my face. But I went anyway (praying for God to calm my nerves) and upon arriving realized that this event was much bigger than I thought. Word had gotten out that a farang (foreigner) was going to be at the school and pretty much the whole village showed up. Apparently they had never had a farang visit before so I was quite the headlining news. As soon as I arrived, people lined up to take photos with me. The students put on a show where each class got up on stage and danced. I presented the shoes and the teachers had me present each student with a medal around their neck. There were games and a big meal was cooked, it was a big party. By the end of the day, my face hurt from smiling so much in photos and I was exhausted. But I had an amazing time! It was such a cool experience that I will never forget and I feel so lucky to have been there. How many people have experience something like that? :)

This is me with some of the staff at the school.

This is me presenting the medals after the presentation.

This is me with a portion of the students and staff.

I had to stick this one in here because this girl was just so happy and adorable while she was dancing!

Low Point: Later that night I started to feel nauseous and around 9pm I got really sick. I'm talking projectile vomiting all over the outhouse at the farm, I've never been sick like that in my life. About ten hours later I was lying on the ground, in the mud, in the outhouse, next to the squatty potty, covered in vomit and I couldn't even get up because my body was so weak. Aon and Ya had to basically carry me out of the outhouse and help me clean up. That was definitely the low point of the trip and possible the past year of my life. :(

Be happy that I don't have any photos to share of that experience...

Dog or Person?

2009-12-29T14:23:00.003+07:00

Below is a video of Max, whom I really think is not fully dog. The video is almost 2 minutes long and gets a little slow in the middle but keep watching. Around 1:11 he starts snoring and it is hilarious! Of course, it's not so hilarious when he snores so loud that we can't sleep or watch a movie or have a conversation at normal audio levels. But we love him anyway!

Good Friends

2009-12-04T23:23:00.000+07:00

As some of you know, I am participating in a project that has me taking one photo every day for a year. The project is aptly named 365Project and I am 152 days in. I am totally enjoying it because it stretches my creativity (something that I was born sorely lacking in) and I'm hoping it is making me a better photographer. The project had a contest last week where people entered photos that had a "Thankful" theme and then voted on the best. Guess what? I won! My photo titled "Thankful for Good Friends" won and even though I already showed it to you in my last post, here it is again.

I am so thankful for my camera and this outlet that God has given me. I love photography!

Opposites Attract

2009-12-01T21:18:00.000+07:00

The past several years I have participated in NaBloPoMo, which for those not in on the lingo stands for: National Blog Posting Month. Basically bloggers all over the world commit to blogging every day for the month of November. I've really enjoyed it in the past. This year I did the complete opposite and didn't blog a single time during November. It wasn't on purpose, in fact, it didn't even occur to me that I missed it until today. Now that I have thought about it, I kinda miss it.

The reason for not blogging is simply that I have been crazy busy. I've been at a new job, moved to a new home, had a yard sale, had several dental surgeries, been caring for 4 dogs, wrenched my back, etc. But I've missed the world of blogging and I'm determined to come back!

Here are a few recent photos of my life:

Volunteerism

2009-10-24T08:47:00.000+07:00

Tears

2009-10-21T18:46:00.000+07:00

I believe my tears are like little pieces of my sorrow, of my pain that spill out of my body at times when my heart can't hold them any longer. At times they bring relief as the sorrow is released. At times they make the sorrow so much more acute because while some is released, older hidden pain is brought to the surface. In both circumstances I believe the tears are a gift from God and although I don't enjoy them, I am thankful for them.

83/365, Sugar

2009-10-21T18:39:00.000+07:00

I took this shot while drinking coffee with friends one day. I love the brown coffee sugar that coffee shops provide here. And I love coffee even more!

82/365

2009-10-21T18:33:00.000+07:00

I have to admit that this was a last minute photo taken at the end of the day when I realized that I hadn't gotten one yet. I went to buy dog food and this cardboard cutout was on the wall above the food. I wish I had some sunglasses like that. :)

81/365, BFFs

2009-10-21T18:29:00.000+07:00

I took this photo while Ya and I were waiting for our food at our favorite restaurant. I love her smile, it lights up a room!

80/365, Orange

2009-10-21T18:23:00.000+07:00

Gotta love bright orange shoelaces! Don't they just bring a smile to your face? Unfortunately, I was looking for zebra print shoelaces...

79/365, Platforms

2009-10-21T18:19:00.003+07:00

Not much to say about these except, "Wow, those are quite the platforms!"

Well that and, "Wow, those are hideous!"

78/365, Coca Cola

2009-10-21T18:15:00.000+07:00

I have a serious addiction to coke. It's a problem that I am constantly trying to fix but the stuff is just so darn good! Actually, I should probably clarify that I am only a big fan of coke outside of the states. In Thailand (and in Mexico) they use different sugar and it makes it so much better!

Anyway, I took this photo because I liked that I could read "Coca Cola" in both English and Thai. It might be one of my favorites!

77/365, Pink Flowers

2009-10-21T18:06:00.000+07:00

Another photo of flowers. I liked these ones because half of the blooms were open and half were closed. It had just finished raining, hence the water droplets.

76/365, Blurry Flowers

2009-10-21T18:02:00.001+07:00

I was walking through my neighborhood one day taking photos of flowers and took this one. When I got home and uploaded it, I couldn't decide if I loved it or hated it. I did absolutely no editing but the colors were so bright and the only clear part of the photo is the center red flower. In the end I decided it was pretty cool. :)

75/365, Creepy Mannequins

2009-09-28T19:58:00.000+07:00

Fact: Thailand has really creepy mannequins.

You can't tell so much in this picture but they are seriously creepy. First of all, they have crazy expressions on their faces that often include bright red clown mouths. Second, their hair is often rainbow colored. Thirdly, they are often missing important limbs. Overall, they creep me out.

This is my friend, Denee who was a great sport when I asked her to model next to the mannequins when we at the mall recently.

On a side note, I've known Denee for a couple years but just recently we started hanging out more and I am so blessed by her!

74/365, Max and BJ

2009-09-20T16:47:00.002+07:00

I got this stuffed dog a few years ago from my friends Beth and Jenny. I recently brought it out and discovered that Max loves BJ! He plays with him, sleeps with him and drags him around the house. It is cute especially because they kinda look alike. :)

73/365, Aon and the Purple Flower

2009-09-20T16:34:00.003+07:00

I went to lunch with Aon and Ya and while we were waiting for our food, Aon asked if she could borrow my camera. She came back with a beautiful picture of an open flower in a pond. I ran over to see it and in the couple minutes since Aon had been there, the flower closed. I was bummed but it was still pretty so I took a photo.

On a side note, the place where we were eating has the best fish! Fish is my favorite food and I could eat there every day!!

72/365

2009-09-20T15:20:00.003+07:00

Because of my strange work schedule, I rarely run into bad traffic here in Chiang Mai. However, the other day I was sitting in stopped traffic and browsing through the photos on my camera to keep myself occupied. I decided to take this photo of the driver's view of Suzy and liked the way the lighting made it turn out. By the way, Suzy is the name of my truck, due to the fact that she is a Suzuki.

On a somewhat related topic, I've been going crazy watching movies from the US lately. I've gotten so accustomed to driving on the left and every time I watch a movie, I think that they are on the wrong side of the road. It just seems wrong. My current stretch is the longest stretch that I've been in Thailand without returning to the states. I hope that I can make it back for Christmas so that my brain can readjust...

71/365

2009-09-20T15:16:00.002+07:00

After a busy day of making and delivering food with Aon and Ya for Soaring Cafe, I took this photo of plates that had just been washed. Not too exciting but I was drawn to the colors. :)

70/365, The Seatbelt Purse and My Love for Hilary

2009-09-15T13:14:00.008+07:00

This is a close-up of my bright red seatbelt purse. The purse used to belong to Hilary and I used stare at it longingly whenever she carried it around. Then to my surprise, a couple years ago she passed it on to me. It is, by far, my favorite! The fact that it is super cute is not the only reason I love it though. I love that it reminds me of HIlary and how wonderful she is. Hilary is the kind of person who would give you the clothes off her back if you needed them. She is also one of the smartest and funniest people I have ever met, I honestly couldn't love her more! The following is a short version on my favorite Hilary story.

One day about five years ago I was at the beach with a bunch of friends. If you have ever been to a San Diego beach in the middle of summer, you know that there are literally thousands of people there. We were all hanging out on the little bit of sand that we managed to get for ourselves and Hil and I decided that we wanted to go swimming. We were walking down to the water when we decided to run the rest of the way and jump into the water. (Hilary brings out the kid in me.) Unfortunately I didn't see the large mass of seaweed in my path and I tripped over it while running.

I don't fall gracefully. Ever. And the sight of me falling in a swimsuit is probably very scary.

This was not just your regular trip, this was a full on body smack on the sand. It happened so fast that I didn't even have time to throw my hands out and break my fall. I remember laying there face down and thinking that at least 200 people just saw me fall. I rolled over just in time to Hilary running towards me, shouting "ahhhhh" as she fell down beside me. Her fall was obviously fake and she turned and smiled at me really big and said something about how maybe everyone would think my fall was fake also. Then she grabbed my hand and dragged me into the ocean.

Hilary is the kind of friend who is willing to completely embarrass herself in order to save others from humiliation. I love her!

We were in the water for almost an hour and upon getting out, I realized that the sand has taken almost all the skin off the front of my right leg. It was still bleeding pretty badly. At that point, Andy J through some seaweed at me and told me that I could have gotten us all eaten by a shark because I was bleeding in the water. The next day at work everyone asked what happened to my leg (it was pretty gross) and Andy told this great story about how I saved a child's life and got scraped up in the process. But I couldn't let myself be the hero so I told everyone what really happened and made Hilary the hero of the story, a place she rightfully earned.

Hil, this is one of many many stories of my love for you. You are still my hero!

Not Another Photo...

2009-09-15T13:07:00.004+07:00

I realize that I've been posting a lot of pictures on my blog and some of you may be getting bored with them. I've started this project that has me taking a picture every day for a year and posting it. It is sometimes hard but I am loving it and it is totally stretching my imagination and photographic skills. To keep you guys interested, I've decided to start writing a little about the circumstances surrounding each photo. Maybe this will still keep you interested in my life and I get to keep posting photos! On a somewhat selfish level, I'm also thinking that is will be fun for me to look back over the year at the end and be reminded of my thoughts on each photo. So, please keep coming back and please keep commenting. Those comments keep me going!

Kitung Tam Mak!

2009-09-12T12:27:00.001+07:00

I miss Tam mak mak loy ka. Just thought you all should know...

65/365

2009-09-11T17:11:00.000+07:00

Oops, forgot to post this one!

69/365

2009-09-11T17:10:00.003+07:00

68/365

2009-09-11T17:10:00.002+07:00

67/365

2009-09-11T17:08:00.002+07:00

66/365

2009-09-11T17:05:00.001+07:00

64/365

2009-09-07T21:10:00.001+07:00

63/365

2009-09-07T21:09:00.005+07:00

62/365

2009-09-07T21:09:00.002+07:00

61/365

2009-09-07T21:08:00.002+07:00

60/365

2009-09-07T21:07:00.002+07:00

59/365

2009-09-07T21:07:00.001+07:00

58/365

2009-09-07T21:06:00.002+07:00

57/365

2009-09-07T21:05:00.001+07:00

56/365

2009-09-07T21:04:00.000+07:00

55/365

2009-09-07T21:03:00.000+07:00

54/365

2009-09-07T21:00:00.003+07:00

We Have A Lot In Common!

2009-08-29T00:07:00.000+07:00

Magic

2009-08-27T14:15:00.003+07:00

Sandra's seen a leprechaun,

Eddie touched a troll,

Laurie danced with witches once,

Charlie found some goblins' gold.

Donald heard a mermaid sing,

Susy spied an elf,

But all the magic I have known

I've had to make myself.

-Shel Silverstein

53/365

2009-08-26T22:41:00.001+07:00

The Kind Of Leader I Want To Be

2009-08-25T12:17:00.002+07:00

I've been thinking a lot about leadership lately and what kind of leader I want to be. Honestly, I'm a behind the scenes kind of a girl who is always behind the camera or back in the sound-room instead of on the stage. And I'm happy there but sometimes the life that I am living thrusts me into a leadership role and when that happens, I want to be a good leader. Whenever I think of good leadership, a certain memory comes to mind.

In 2002, I was a summer intern with Amor Ministries. A couple of the other interns and I decided that we wanted to read through the book of Acts together as well as daily readings from Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest." We would meet every morning at 6am on the edge of the rock quarry where the Amor camp was and start our days in the Word. As interns, we were somewhat oblivious of the Amor staff. We knew there was a huge staff support making everything happen but we didn't have much contact with them. And when we did, we didn't blame them for staying away from us. Weeks of living in a tent on a rock quarry, with holes for toilets and bucket showers (which we could have used more often), left us smelling pretty bad so we kept to ourselves! :) We also knew about Scott and Gayla Congdon who started the ministry but they were a bit like superstars to us. One morning, I was sitting on a rock waiting for my fellow interns to join me when the 'famous Scott Congdon' walked up and sat down on a rock next to me. He asked if he could join us for our devotion time, which he did and then he spent some time in prayer with us. Afterwards, he told us all to have a good day and then he got in his truck and drove away.

This probably doesn't sound like a big deal to you but it was huge for me. That occurrence was a prime example of leadership to me. The bible always talks about Jesus being among the people during his ministry but so many leaders now-a-days stay hidden in their offices and never get their hands dirty. Scott was not one of those leaders, instead he followed the example of Jesus and worked amongst the people. I started paying more attention after that morning and I lost count of how many times I saw him 'getting his hands dirty' helping build houses or spending time with the families receiving houses.

This was one of the many reasons I applied to work full time with Amor and spent the following three and half years doing so. Soon after that morning on the rock quarry, I realized that Amor was full of leaders including Gayla Congdon, Wendy Johnson, Alon Banks, LaDonna Barron and so many more.

To this day when I think of leadership, I remember the morning when Scott Congdon joined a few very stinky interns on a rock quarry for a morning bible study. That is the kind of leader that I want to be.

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2009-08-25T12:06:00.001+07:00

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2009-08-25T11:59:00.000+07:00

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2009-08-19T13:21:00.001+07:00

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2009-08-19T13:20:00.002+07:00

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2009-08-19T13:20:00.001+07:00

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2009-08-19T13:18:00.002+07:00

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2009-08-19T13:18:00.001+07:00

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2009-08-19T13:17:00.001+07:00

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2009-08-19T13:16:00.000+07:00

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2009-08-19T13:15:00.000+07:00

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It'll Change Your Life

2009-08-14T13:37:00.004+07:00

I've always heard people talking about Macs like they were an incredible new species. They said things like "it will change your life" and "once you use a Mac, you'll never go back." I always thought that was weird, I mean, it is just a computer after all. I totally didn't understand where these people were coming from.

A few months ago my Dell died, really died. I'd been researching computers for several months already because the Dell was terminally ill for about a year. I wanted a computer that would be beneficial to my photography, amongst other things, and my final conclusion was that I needed a Mac. So, a few months ago I invested in the new Macbook and spent the following few weeks completely lost whenever I sat in front of it. I am still finding things on a regular basis that I didn't know it did and really wish that I could take a class or something. A friend set me up with Adobe Photoshop CS, Elements and Lightroom for my photos and I am currently learning how to use them. Well, I am learning how to use Lightroom (and absolutely loving it) but still way too intimidated by Photoshop! I bought a green cover for her (yes, the Mac is a her) to protect her and to make her pretty (green is by far the best color in the world).

And I have to say, this Mac HAS CHANGED MY LIFE and I"LL NEVER GO BACK!! Seriously, I can't believe how attached I am! BTW, her name is Lynn...

What a Feeling, Bein's Believing

2009-08-11T14:33:00.002+07:00

I tend to associate emotions with moments in time.

For instance, when I think of sadness or shock, I remember the moment I learned my sister was dead. And I remember getting off a plane in San Francisco 24 hours later without many memories of the hours since the phone call.

When I think of stress, I remember a day in 2005, just before I moved to Thailand when I was so stressed that I went for a run and ended up sitting on a curb crying my eyes out. A lady came out of her house to check on me because she was so concerned. I wanted to explain that I was about to move to Thailand and scared and stressed out of my mind but I couldn't stop crying.

When I think of peace, I remember sharing a room with my nephew Joshua when he was a baby. At night I would stand over his crib and watch him sleep and the whole room would fill with peace.

When I think of contentment, I remember a night when Tam and I were living in San Diego. Our parents came down to visit so I was sleeping on Tam's floor and before going to bed we were talking and laughing and there was something about Kermit the frog.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about a specific feeling that I've been missing. I'm not sure what to call it, the closest I can come is that it is the feeling of being taken care of. The memory I associate with the feeling is actually a collection of memories on a trip to Israel with my parents in 1998. For two weeks I traveled around seeing pretty much the most amazing sites ever and I didn't have to worry about anything. My parents took absolute care of my lodging, meals, transportation, everything. I was 19 at the time and part of a tour group where I was one of only two people younger than my parents. I was cared for by the entire tour group. It was such a great feeling to have no responsibilities and to know that I could just go with the flow and enjoy myself. I miss that feeling. Wonder if I'll ever feel that way again...

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2009-08-11T13:19:00.003+07:00

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2009-08-11T13:19:00.001+07:00

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