"Growth is the only evidence of life." John Henry Newman, 1864

I've been suffering from insomnia lately, most nights not sleeping until 4 or 5am. That leaves a lot of time for lying in bed thinking, sometimes too much time considering I tend to over analyze things. Last night (this morning) I was thinking about change, a subject that could potentially lead to many more sleepless nights!

This has been a year of change for me. Last August I was still working at The Centre, but I was praying every day for God to release me. I didn't want to be there and I admit, I had a bad attitude. My heart wasn't in the ministry and I was confused about why I was in Thailand and what God wanted me to do. In September I left The Centre and continued to seek out what God wanted me to do. I was even more confused because suddenly I was without a primary ministry but I knew that God wanted me to stay in Thailand. In October I contacted Todd and Julie about volunteering for PMI (Powers Ministries International) while I had free time. In November I was planning outreaches and feeling passionate about ministry for the first time in a long time. December brought trips to villages, meeting people who I found I could easily love and knowing that PMI was a good fit for me. By January I was officially full time with PMI, having been asked by Todd and Julie to join their ministry. February was our Women's Conference which was a huge learning curve for me with all the details that go into planning such a huge event. March, April and May saw me traveling around the states, trying to raise support and learning that for the most part, America is poor. I learned that trusting God is hard for me but hugely important. In June and July I was back in Thailand learning to trust more, learning to pray, teach, love, listen and learning so many things that wouldn't fit in this post.

Last year at this time, I had lost my heart for people and wasn't sure where to find it. This year, I've found my heart again. I'm loving on kids and in return receiving love. I'm helping save children who have been sold into the sex trade time and time again and they are teaching me to truly love God. I am helping orphanages and churches, teaching leadership and ministry. I am training and debriefing missionaries. And in return God is teaching me, training me every single day. I am learning that when I am willing, God works miracles every single day. So every day I wake up and decide to be willing and follow God that day.

I hope that this changing, learning and growing never ends. I'm not saying that it is always fun, but the end result is always worth it. I thank God for this year of change and I can't wait to see where this next year leads me!

Thank you God!!

Focus, Week 4

Focus, Week 3

Focus, Week 2

Focus, Week 1

"When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence." Ansel Adams

I recently started year 2 of my 365 project and I'm going to attempt to post two or three favorites from each week on here. Enjoy! :)

http://365project.org/jleeper/year2

Why Wai?

The other night Aon, Ya and I were talking about how confusing it can be to speak two languages. I mentioned to them that sometimes they speak English without realizing it and they pointed out to me that sometimes I speak Thai without realizing it. It is a strange thing when you brain starts thinking in two languages and you no longer automatically differentiate between the two. At this point I told them a story that occurred last Sunday at church and they could not stop laughing at me. Before I tell you the story though, I have to teach you a bit about the "wai."

The wai occurs when you put your two hand together in front of your chest like the photo below.

The wai occurs when greeting someone, saying goodbye or thank you and to show respect. Thais don't shake hands or kiss on the cheek or any of the other western traditions, we wai. And there are many different forms of it, depending on the amount of respect you want to show. Overall, it is an important part of life and is done repeatedly every day.

Even Ronald McDonald does it.

It is such a normal part of life that the wai along with the head bow comes just as easily as smiling. Lately I've been having trouble speaking all in English or all in Thai. And as I mentioned earlier, sometimes I think I'm speaking in English but it is coming out in Thai. This confusion is now spreading to my wais...

On Sunday I walked into church and on my way to sit down, I passed a Thai friend and a few steps later, I passed an American friend. Passing the Thai friend, I waved and said "hello." Passing the American friend, I did the wai and said "sa wat dee ka." I stood there for a moment in confusion then continued on to my chair with both friends laughing at me as I went. Of course, Aon and Ya thought this was hilarious when I shared it with them and they laughed for quite a while.

I'm still just shaking my head and wondering if the confusion ever ends... :)