Complete, Not Nit Noy!

Today I am contemplating the fact that I am complete in God. Not halfway complete or almost good enough, but fully and completely who I am supposed to be in God.

I have this annoying habit of feeling nit noy (small) and totally inept at random times. It doesn't seem to matter how old I get (29 in two weeks), I still manage to feel like a child who can't quite reach high enough (no height jokes, please), walk fast enough, or keep from stumbling over my own feet.

The other day one of my friends saw me leading the youth group at church and she said, "Jen, I have been trying to tell you for over two years that you are a leader and you have been arguing with me. I just saw proof that you can do it so you are not allowed to argue with me anymore. Instead, let God use you." I just started laughing because she was right about the arguing.

I have this fear that I am not quite good enough to do certain things, like leading a group of people. And honestly, in my own strength, I am not nearly eloquent, coordinated or smart enough. But I am complete in God and that means that I can be a leader and I can do all the things that make me feel small and unimportant. I still can't reach high enough, walk fast enough or keep from stumbling (I've fallen down two flights of stairs in the past month), but I am good enough.

This week I am taking pictures at a leadership conference here in Chiang Mai. Several months ago I was asked to be the official photographer for this event and without hesitation I said yes. I love taking pictures so why not? This is the second event that I have been asked to take pictures at and the first one was a blast so I was very excited about this. However, when I walked into the conference room yesterday and saw all the people and the many important, well known speakers, I started to doubt myself. I am in no way a professional photography, I take pictures for fun and what if my photos were not good enough? At the end of the evening the man in charge approached me and told me that I had free reign over the rest of the conference. He said that I could get up on stage in the middle of the preaching or walk up and down the aisles or whatever I needed to do to get pictures. He said, "I want a lot of face shots of the people in the crowd, not the speakers. I've heard from several people that you are really good at face shots and that is why we asked you to come." There is nothing like a good compliment to build my confidence. I'm not trying to toot my own horn (maybe I am a little {God, forgive me}) but I came recommended, he had heard about me.

By the grace of God, I am complete. If I have enough faith, I can do anything I want. I love my God. Now if I would just stop trying to do things on my own first, life would be so much easier!