For instance, when I think of sadness or shock, I remember the moment I learned my sister was dead. And I remember getting off a plane in San Francisco 24 hours later without many memories of the hours since the phone call.
When I think of stress, I remember a day in 2005, just before I moved to Thailand when I was so stressed that I went for a run and ended up sitting on a curb crying my eyes out. A lady came out of her house to check on me because she was so concerned. I wanted to explain that I was about to move to Thailand and scared and stressed out of my mind but I couldn't stop crying.
When I think of peace, I remember sharing a room with my nephew Joshua when he was a baby. At night I would stand over his crib and watch him sleep and the whole room would fill with peace.
When I think of contentment, I remember a night when Tam and I were living in San Diego. Our parents came down to visit so I was sleeping on Tam's floor and before going to bed we were talking and laughing and there was something about Kermit the frog.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about a specific feeling that I've been missing. I'm not sure what to call it, the closest I can come is that it is the feeling of being taken care of. The memory I associate with the feeling is actually a collection of memories on a trip to Israel with my parents in 1998. For two weeks I traveled around seeing pretty much the most amazing sites ever and I didn't have to worry about anything. My parents took absolute care of my lodging, meals, transportation, everything. I was 19 at the time and part of a tour group where I was one of only two people younger than my parents. I was cared for by the entire tour group. It was such a great feeling to have no responsibilities and to know that I could just go with the flow and enjoy myself. I miss that feeling. Wonder if I'll ever feel that way again...
3 comments:
Oh Jen! I wish I could give you a big hug! So, consider yourself hugged. I hope that God surprises you by putting you in that place again very soon!
Kermit the frog. LOL I remember they knocked on my door and were like what the heck are you guys doing and we were laughing too hard to tell them (not that they would have got it anyway we didn't even know why it was so funny).
Oh Jen,
You put into words the feelings I carry around so much. My mother has been gone since 1997 and my dad since 1991, and I still think I am going to pick up the phone to call them when I need something comforting or just to vent to someone who will always take my side.
As I have grown older, I realized that its just me - only me - responsible for me. And I cannot be trusted with me!
I don't think either of will ever have that feeling again on earth. At least not completely. But in heaven - oh yeah, baby!
Post a Comment