Honesty

I think that because I grew up a pastor's kid and was often in the spotlight at church, I have always felt the need to portray a stong spiritual life. I remember being a kid and having the elders at church tell me that I was not doing a good enough job setting a Christian example for the other kids at church. When I was in Junior High and High School, every once in awhile my dad would come home from an elders meeting with the latest news of what the elders thought I should do differently. I felt like I was attacked for every single mistake I made which was completely unfair because nobody is perfect. The worst part was that I was not a bad kid, to be honest I think that I was a pretty good kid. I never hung out with a bad crowd, never smoked a cigarrette, drank alcohol or did drugs. I always went to church, was active in the youth group and respected my parents. There were so many kids around me messing up and yet I was the one that people felt compelled to complain about at church. So, I learned how look and talk like I was leading a perfect Christian life. I am saddened by that.

Still today, years later I have a hard time admitting that my relationship with God is not where it should be. I had some time of self reflection this week and I came to the realization that I have become really lazy. I don't want to become one of those people who thinks Christianity is a title instead of a way of life and if my laziness continues, that is who I will become. I have not been reading my bible much or even talking to God much lately and I need to become more purposeful of doing those things. It is interesting to me that I am working for a ministry while preparing to move to Thailand and work for another ministry and yet my relationship with Christ is not where it should be. I feel like the devil has been attacking me for the past month and a half, ever since I made the decision to go to Thailand. One thing after another has gone wrong and I have been sitting and dwelling on the bad things. The worst part is that I always get annoyed when I have to sit and listen to people complain about how satan is attacking them. I totally believe that happens but I always want to tell them to stop complaining and let God help them out. And yet, in a moment of reflection I saw that I was becoming one of those people. I decided to start looking at the good things in my life instead and I have a lot of good things around me. God is performing miracles in my life and I need to stay focused on them. Yesterday a friend sent $500 of support in for my trip to Thailand. That is a miracle!

I have to go to a meeting but pray for me to always work on my relationship with my Christ. Thanks! Have a great day!