Who Am I?

Random facts about me:

1) My favorite smell in the world is paper. I like the smell of any paper but my favorite is a brand new leather journal. Fresh paper with no ink mixed with a slight leather smell, but only if the leather does not overwhelm the smell of the paper. An old book is wonderful too, but really I like the smell of any paper. I have a habit of picking up books, journals and other paper products and slyly smelling them so that no one sees. Someone at The Centre found out that I like to smell paper and spread the news. Now all my students offer to let me smell their books and I love it!

2) One of my favorite things about Chiang Mai is that you can hear the rain coming. I can be sitting in my house or standing outside and I can hear the rain coming about ten seconds before it gets here. It is a beautiful sound and it makes me smile every time.

3) I am completely comfortable around people younger than me that I don't know. Whether I am with five year olds, fifteen year olds, twenty-five year olds or anything in between, I can communicate and make them comfortable. I am completely uncomfortable around older people that I don't know. Put me in a room with them and I have no idea what to say. I worry so much about what they think of me that I end up hiding in a corner by myself.

4) I am not cool. When people tell me that I am not cool, I pretend to be offended but really I love it. Nothing makes me happier than sitting down with a book and reading for hours or watching the commentaries on the Lord of The Rings movies or waiting in line for four hours to see the midnight showing of the new Harry Potter movie. There are so many other uncool things about me and I am proud of all of them.

5) I often wonder if something is socially wrong with me. I feel more at home and better about myself here in Thailand than I do back in the states. I feel like this is where I am supposed to be. I worry that something is wrong with me because I don't feel so comfortable in my own country. And I worry that I am going to become one of those missionaries who visits their home country and seems completely out of place. I am afraid of not belonging there.

6) I have no idea who I am although I am on a constant quest to figure it out.

7) I hate to be called girly but I totally am. I am on a continual emotional rollercoaster. Some days I wake up feeling completely confident about myself and some days I wake up and want to hide in a closet all day so that no one can see how dumb I am. I love to feel included. I don't always want to participate in activities but I always want to be invited. I worry about what people think of me when they don't invite me. I over-analyze everything. I am a girl.