I have spent the last three months on a quest that has taken me all over Chiang Mai. I have searched in little known areas, passed through many doorways, climbed ladders and crawled on my hands and knees all in search of one little thing. One small, little item that could easily fit into my purse and yet remains completely elusive.
What small item has taken me on this quest you ask? Well some of you know that I love to read more than almost anything in the world. A few months ago someone said that I should read the Jason Bourne books; they said I would really like them. I thought that they were probably right because I love the Bourne movies so, why not read the books. Why not?
Why not?
Why not? Well, the answer to that question is that I cannot find the first book anywhere! Today I went to six different bookstores looking for The Bourne Identity and apparently it doesn't exist anywhere in the whole world. (That may have been an exaggeration.) Over the past three months, I have searched so many bookstores and I am starting to get annoyed.
One of the things I love so much about Chiang Mai is all the used bookstores. There are so many and they are a haven for me. If I am stressed or worried or just need to escape for awhile, I go to the used bookstores. But now, for the first time in two years, they have failed me.
Why me? Why must I fail this quest?...
:)
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Money Sucks
I just paid for my plane ticket home next month. It cost A LOT of money! I now have less than 100 dollars to last me the next month and my rent is due on Thursday. Oh joy! I guess this is where trusting in God comes in. :) Anyone want to pay my rent for me?
Thursday, October 04, 2007
I love teaching!
The following is a conversation that I had with Tamara over Google Talk about one of my classes. I love teaching!
- me: today we were talking about names in my class and Dear asked what your full name was. i told him your middle name was Dawn and he asked if he could call you donkey as a nickname. it was Hilarious!
- Tamara: gasp!
you told him no right? - me: i told him yes he could call you donkey
i love Dear - Tamara: no!
- me: and i love you my little donkey
- Tamara: you basically are calling me an ass
- me: i know but he didn't realize that and it
made it even funnier - Tamara: way to teach your students to cuss
- me: i love language barriers
you're the one whose name sounds like donkey
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
More on the last post
First of all, thanks Wendy and Katie for your comments. I love you both.
Wendy said that her stuff is settled in San Diego and it is the longest she has stayed anywhere. This got me thinking because I moved into a new house about eight months ago and I still haven't settled here. I have a room that I call the dungeon because it has all the stuff that I haven't unpacked yet. My bedroom has my clothes and bed in it but I haven't decorated at all. I finally put pictures and curtains up in my living room about a month ago. It is not that I don't want to settle here, it is simply that I haven't had the time to do so. Maybe if I finished the unpacking and decorating, this house would feel like a home and I would feel more settled. A have a couple free days next week that I think I will dedicate to this house.
Katie brought up the difference between being settled and being content. She mentioned that maybe I am using the wrong word when I say that I don't feel settled. Being an English teacher, I looked up the definitions of the words.
content: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
settle: 1)to gather, collect, or become fixed in a particular place, direction, etc 2)to make stable; place in a permanent position or on a permanent basis 3)to quiet, calm, or bring to rest 4)to place in a desired state or in order 4)To discontinue moving and come to rest in one place
settle down: 1)To begin living a stable and orderly life 2)To become calm or composed
I feel like I am on a pretty good road toward being content. I am pretty satisfied with the life that I am living. I am not saying that I am "not wanting more or anything else" but is there anyone who can honestly say that? It is human nature to always want more than we have. I feel satisfied that I am living the life God wants me to live. I definitely fluctuate daily in how content I feel. For instance, today I want to go home. I know that God wants me here in Thailand but I am homesick and I want to go home. I don't feel happy and content with my life right now. But tomorrow I may wake up and feel completely satisfied with being in Thailand and working at The Centre and I may feel content.
I feel like I will probably be living in Thailand for a while longer. I don't know if that means two more years or ten more years or fifty more years but I know that I am not leaving yet. This leaves me feeling "fixed in a particular place" for a while at least. However, my life in no way feels "quiet or composed." I am constantly going, whether at The Centre or at church or around town. I don't slow down much. I am living in a culture where things a very different than how I grew up. Little things like not being able to buy top sheets for my bed (they only sell fitted sheets here and I miss top sheets) or not being able to get hot water from the faucet (I can't wait to take a really hot shower or even just wash my hands with hot water in a sink when I visit the states next) or not having an oven are very different than what I was used to before coming to Thailand. There are a million little things like those that make it hard to feel settled. But maybe I am looking to the wrong things to make me feel settled.
Settled or Content? I don't know which one I am longing for and maybe I am more confused now than I was yesterday. :) I do know that God is taking care of me though. And I know that if I continue to follow his plan for my life, I will end up feel both settled and content. So I continue on this path, not having any clue what is ahead, but keeping my hope in God and following his lead.
And now I head into my day with a lot on my mind. Thanks Wendy and Katie! :)
Wendy said that her stuff is settled in San Diego and it is the longest she has stayed anywhere. This got me thinking because I moved into a new house about eight months ago and I still haven't settled here. I have a room that I call the dungeon because it has all the stuff that I haven't unpacked yet. My bedroom has my clothes and bed in it but I haven't decorated at all. I finally put pictures and curtains up in my living room about a month ago. It is not that I don't want to settle here, it is simply that I haven't had the time to do so. Maybe if I finished the unpacking and decorating, this house would feel like a home and I would feel more settled. A have a couple free days next week that I think I will dedicate to this house.
Katie brought up the difference between being settled and being content. She mentioned that maybe I am using the wrong word when I say that I don't feel settled. Being an English teacher, I looked up the definitions of the words.
content: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
settle: 1)to gather, collect, or become fixed in a particular place, direction, etc 2)to make stable; place in a permanent position or on a permanent basis 3)to quiet, calm, or bring to rest 4)to place in a desired state or in order 4)To discontinue moving and come to rest in one place
settle down: 1)To begin living a stable and orderly life 2)To become calm or composed
I feel like I am on a pretty good road toward being content. I am pretty satisfied with the life that I am living. I am not saying that I am "not wanting more or anything else" but is there anyone who can honestly say that? It is human nature to always want more than we have. I feel satisfied that I am living the life God wants me to live. I definitely fluctuate daily in how content I feel. For instance, today I want to go home. I know that God wants me here in Thailand but I am homesick and I want to go home. I don't feel happy and content with my life right now. But tomorrow I may wake up and feel completely satisfied with being in Thailand and working at The Centre and I may feel content.
I feel like I will probably be living in Thailand for a while longer. I don't know if that means two more years or ten more years or fifty more years but I know that I am not leaving yet. This leaves me feeling "fixed in a particular place" for a while at least. However, my life in no way feels "quiet or composed." I am constantly going, whether at The Centre or at church or around town. I don't slow down much. I am living in a culture where things a very different than how I grew up. Little things like not being able to buy top sheets for my bed (they only sell fitted sheets here and I miss top sheets) or not being able to get hot water from the faucet (I can't wait to take a really hot shower or even just wash my hands with hot water in a sink when I visit the states next) or not having an oven are very different than what I was used to before coming to Thailand. There are a million little things like those that make it hard to feel settled. But maybe I am looking to the wrong things to make me feel settled.
Settled or Content? I don't know which one I am longing for and maybe I am more confused now than I was yesterday. :) I do know that God is taking care of me though. And I know that if I continue to follow his plan for my life, I will end up feel both settled and content. So I continue on this path, not having any clue what is ahead, but keeping my hope in God and following his lead.
And now I head into my day with a lot on my mind. Thanks Wendy and Katie! :)
Monday, October 01, 2007
Settling
Lately a lot of people have been asking me what my plans are for the future. Every time someone asks, my mind starts spinning into a vortex of uncertainty. I have no idea what my future holds. Not only that, but I have no idea where my future is located. I love my life, but I secretly envy the people that God allows to stay in their homeland. I guess it is no longer a secret. Even when their futures seem uncertain, at least they have a relative idea of where they will be living in the future. I wish I had that. Instead I look ahead and I see a lot of questions. I long to settle somewhere and experience what that feels like. I worry that I will never be able to do that. I know that I sound like I am complaining, I'm not. I'm just talking through my thoughts with you. Do you feel settled? What makes you feel that way? I imagine that it is not just location and a job that gives the feeling of being settled. I just wish I could figure out how to get there in my present life.
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