Is it normal to have days where you know when you wake up that if you were just to stay in bed, you could sleep all day long? Knowing that is not very practical, you get up and spend the rest of the day trying to muster the energy to think, much less actually do something that doesn't involve going back to bed.
That is how I feel today.
It may have something to do with the fact that it is over 100 degrees and the humidity factor is over 50%. Every single pore on my body is sweating and I have heat rash on my neck and legs. I've had four big bottles of water in a row and haven't had to go to the bathroom at all because I am sweating it all out.
It may have something to do with the fact that I am not sleeping well and having crazy dreams again. I thought I'd gotten over the weird, vivid dreams but they are back and happening almost every night. I wake up feeling like the dreams were real and yet knowing they were not. Halfway through the day I have a memory and I have to stop and figure out if it really happened or just happened in one of my dreams. It is exhausting and sometimes I feel like I am losing my mind.
It may have something to do with the fact that my counselor is in the states for a few months and this past week was my first week without having someone to talk things through with. I should probably find someone else willing to listen to me talk.
It may also have something to do with the fact that I had a very emotional week. I lost my passport, work permit and atm card. I spent way too much time at the bank trying to get a new atm card and trying to access my account and completely failed at both. I spent hours searching my house for my passport and work permit after hearing from my lawyer that I would have to go back to the states immediately if I didn't find it. I prayed a lot. I stressed about how I was going to buy a plane ticket back to the states if I couldn't access my bank account. I searched my house in the middle of the night with a flashlight because the power was out and still didn't find it. I invited friends over to search my house and when they found my passport and work permit, I cried. I prayed a lot more thanking God for showing my friends where it was and for the miracle. I planned youth group and then ran around like a chicken with my head cut off when things didn't work out quite like they were supposed to. I prayed a lot and thanked God at the end of the night that the kids didn't notice anything was wrong and had a blast. I learned that I don't have control over most things in my life. I stressed when my truck broke down and just left it sitting outside The Centre for the past couple of days. I'll deal with it tomorrow. Over all, lots of emotions.
It may have something to do with the fact that I have developed a cough and my body just isn't feeling 100% well.
And yet somehow I have mustered the energy to type out this post, so things are much brighter than they were when I started writing ten minutes ago. Maybe I'll go run a race now.
1 comment:
Stress never helps rest. I hope you will be able to get real sleep and not feel so tired again.
I feel like any little thing upsets my ability to get rest. Insomnia is such a curse, as is arthritis, but those are my reasons.
I know if I was where you are at the temperature alone would drive me to stay asleep all the time. I don't know how you continue to survive that heat! Must just be the grace of God, huh? But you do need rest too. If you're body feels like it's shutting down you probably should rest. Did you read my post about sleep debt a few weeks back?
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