The Importance of Prayer

Today I was reading Acts chapter 1 and I want to share what I learned. Verse 8 says "But you will receive the power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth." This is the first time that they have heard about being baptized in the Holy Spirit and at the same time Jesus is giving them THE calling of all callings. Immediately after he says this, they watch him float up to heaven and be hidden by a cloud. Just before he says this he tells them to wait in Jerusalem for the gift which is the Holy Spirit. I can only imagine that they were completely overwhelmed by his words and watching him fly away. I would have been. And yet they walked down the Mount of Olives, into Jerusalem and "joined together constantly in prayer." Basically they prayed together until they received the Holy Spirit and then they went out and preached the gospel. When I read this I was struck by their patience. They were given a calling and instead of jumping right into it, they took the time to wait on the Lord and pray together. I imagine they needed this time to pray for each other and encourage each other and really become unified. If they had gone straight into the work without praying first they may not have accomplished so much. This is a big lesson for me because I tend to be impatient. If I am told to do something, I just want to do it. But it is so important to stop and pray first and wait for the right timing. And if there is a team of people involved, it is so important to be unified before starting a project or calling. They "joined together constantly in prayer." Think about it.

There is so much more that I want to say on this but I have to sign off and I don't want to bore you! Read Acts, there is so much to learn in there!

Who Me? A teacher? Impossible!

For pretty much my whole life I have wanted to be a teacher of the bible. I used to sit in church as a child and wish with all my heart that when I grew up I could teach the bible like my dad did. He would stand up there on stage preaching and every face would be turned towards him, every ear listening to what he said, every heart taking in the truths of his words. It amazed me and it was a gift that I wanted. But as I got older it became clear that it was not a gift I naturally possessed. When I stood on stage my knees started to shake and my heart would race. Nobody listened to what I had to say because my mouth would glue itself closed and I couldn't get any words out. Eventually I came to terms with the fact that I was not going to be a preacher and I learned to love being behind the scenes. But I have to admit that deep in my heart I never stopped yearning to be able to teach the bible in a real way. Recently God spoke to me and told me that one day he would give me the gift of teaching. I kind of laughed it off and tucked the words away inside knowing that I could never be a teacher of the bible. Well, laughing off God's words is never really a good idea. He doesn't give up that easily. And now over and over again, he has been affirming his words. I spoke to the students a couple weeks ago at a party and I wasn't overcome by nervousness like I normally am. I have been learning amazing things while reading my bible and sharing them with people at church or The Centre or my small group. At times I am overcome by the need to share what God is teaching me and when I do, I am teaching others. It is so cool when I share something from the bible with someone and the next day or the next week they come back and tell me that they were touched by my words and are still thinking about them. God is going to make me a teacher one day and I am excited! Pray for me.

2nd post of the day. This one is a bit happier.

Do you ever feel like your life is missing something? Do you ever feel like you are running in circles? For a while the circles are okay because life is good and you don't realize that there is so much more. Then one day you do realize there is more and suddenly you are on a journey.

I am on a journey right now, a journey of faith. I have been studying about the Holy Spirit lately and I've realized that my faith is so small. There is so much more to God and a life of faith than I've ever realized. I have never claimed to know everything or even a lot but I was pretty settled in what I knew about God. I was content to run in circles and live out my faith as I always had.

I realize I'm rambling, but bear with me, I promise that I have a point.

You see, I have realized that I've kept my faith in a nice, neat little box. That was okay because I love God and I'm letting him use me. But now, through my studies about the Holy Spirit, I know that there is so much more to God and my future in him than what I have allowed in that nice, neat little box. I am on a journey of discovery. I want to know the Holy Spirit more intimately. I want to understand the gifts of the Spirit instead of wanting to run away when I hear people talking about them. In fact, I want the gifts of the Spirit for myself. I want to speak to God in a heavenly language when I don't know what to say in my own language. A couple months ago someone prophecied over me and what he said about my life seemed impossible at the time. Maybe now I am starting to understand the prophecy.

I realize that I am still rambling and I am not so sure that I have a point anymore, but keep reading anyway.

Recently I was talked to Mel and Nathan about this journey I am on. I told them that I am excited about the new things I am discovering about God and myself but I am scared about changing and growing in my faith too drastically. I am afraid of going back to the states one day and being too different from my family and friends. Not because they are not growing but because we are growing in different ways. I am afraid of becoming one of those weird Christians who has lived in a foreign culture for so long that they can't relate to anyone in their own culture anymore. I am afraid of growing out of the box that has been my faith up until now. In response to me, Nathan had some wise words. He said, "You can't think of it as growing out of your faith, you have to think of it as growing in your faith. And what could be wrong with that?"

What could be wrong with that? Nothing.

Angry

Today I am angry. Actually it is not just today, it started on Friday and has been progressively getting worse. I am not sure what is causing my anger but it is driving me crazy. There is a boulder of fury sitting in my stomach that just keeps growing. I can feel it expanding and if it doesn't stop, I might explode. I want to scream or throw something but I know that won't help me. So instead I sit here attempting to appear calm and trying not to bite the heads off everyone who comes near me.

What causes anger like this? And what part of me is so weak that I allow it to take over and control me? The person that I am at this moment is not the person that God wants to use today to do his work. I need to stop being angry. I need to go pray now.

Praising God is cool!

This morning I was running the sound board at church. I have gotten comfortable enough with the process that I am able to really worship God and still pay attention to the sound system. I was standing there singing with my eyes closed and my hands lifted when suddenly I noticed that it had gotten extremely loud in the Sanctuary. I opened my eyes, put my hands down and looked at the sound board to figure out what had happened when I suddenly realized that the loudness was not coming from the sound system at all. It was coming from the people in the church. They were singing and worshiping so loudly that the walls were shaking. It was very cool! I closed my eyes, put my hands up and joined in.

"How great is our God.
Sing with me, how great is our God.
And all will see, how great, how great is our God!"

My Broken Heart

My camera is broken. I love my camera. It got smashed and the lenses fell out. I tried to revive it but was unable to do so. It broke my heart.

Tonight someone poisoned some of the stray dogs that live on the street where The Centre is located. I came back after dinner to dogs dying in the street. I stood there and watched and there was nothing I could do to help them. It really broke my heart.

And it is still raining.

Only five more months of this

The rainy season started early this year. It's been raining for days. A battle rages in me about whether I love or hate the rain. I love falling asleep to the sound of rolling thunder at night. I love curling up on the couch and reading a book to the sound of pouring rain. I love the lightening that is so big it is almost like the sun shines again for a moment in the middle of the night. I hate that my roof is leaking directly over my bed. I hate that my fingers and toes look like raisins by the time I arrive anywhere on my motorcycle. I hate having to drive really slow because the rain in coming down so hard that I can barely see through the visor on my helmet. I hate that I never seem to dry out. And there are five more months of this.

I love moms

Wor's mom came to Chiang Mai yesterday to spend a couple days here. Let me just say that I love Wor's mom, she is really cool. I was out to dinner last night with some students and while walking back to The Centre, mom jumped out from behind a wall and threw her arms around me. Wor said that she had been waiting to surprise me and was really excited to see me. She doesn't speak English and I don't speak Thai but somehow we always manage to communicate. When I said goodbye to her last night, she gave me two hugs and two kisses. Today I went to Wor's house to talk to her because I was having a bad day and needed someone to talk to. As soon as mom saw me she ran out and gave me a hug and a kiss and then upon seeing that I was frustrated, taught me to breathe deeply and do a little dance to relieve stress. It was great. When I left she told that she loved me (in English) and gave me another hug and kiss.

This may not seem like a big deal but I live on the other side of the world from my mom and I miss her a ton. I don't get kissed and hugged by a mom often so this made my week. It made me miss my mom even more but I wouldn't trade the hugs and kisses for anything. I love moms.

Surface level or deep?

When I first came to Thailand (almost a year and a half ago) I remember getting annoyed when I would talk to people back home. Because I live on the other side of the world, phone calls are seldom made and when they were the conversations would be all about the deep things in life. I remember longing to hear about the little things, like what a person had for lunch or that they yelled at someone on the freeway. I wanted to feel like I was still a part of my friend's and family's daily lives.

Lately I have been getting annoyed about the exact opposite thing. I am noticing that my phone conversations with people are full of surface level things and nothing deep. I still love hearing about what a person had for lunch but I also want to hear about their heart and what they are feeling about life and God. I want to feel like I am still important to my friends and family and more than just an acquaintance.

I have been thinking about it this past week and I have come to a bit of a conclusion. I have no right to get annoyed with people for not sharing their lives with me in the same way they did when I lived in the states. After all, I am the one who picked up and left. I am the one who has changed cultures and made it hard to talk to at times. I am the one who has trouble sharing about my life in Thailand in a way that people can understand and be interested in. I am the one who has changed in weird and unfamiliar ways.

So, I am sorry if I have ever been annoyed with you for not giving me what I wanted. Please forgive me. But please also understand that sometimes living here can be extremely lonely and sometimes all I want to do is pack up and go back home to be with you again so that we can share the surface level and the deep things in life. I miss you.

And I look forward the future conversations, whether they be surface level or deep, I will cherish them all.