When I first came to Thailand (almost a year and a half ago) I remember getting annoyed when I would talk to people back home. Because I live on the other side of the world, phone calls are seldom made and when they were the conversations would be all about the deep things in life. I remember longing to hear about the little things, like what a person had for lunch or that they yelled at someone on the freeway. I wanted to feel like I was still a part of my friend's and family's daily lives.
Lately I have been getting annoyed about the exact opposite thing. I am noticing that my phone conversations with people are full of surface level things and nothing deep. I still love hearing about what a person had for lunch but I also want to hear about their heart and what they are feeling about life and God. I want to feel like I am still important to my friends and family and more than just an acquaintance.
I have been thinking about it this past week and I have come to a bit of a conclusion. I have no right to get annoyed with people for not sharing their lives with me in the same way they did when I lived in the states. After all, I am the one who picked up and left. I am the one who has changed cultures and made it hard to talk to at times. I am the one who has trouble sharing about my life in Thailand in a way that people can understand and be interested in. I am the one who has changed in weird and unfamiliar ways.
So, I am sorry if I have ever been annoyed with you for not giving me what I wanted. Please forgive me. But please also understand that sometimes living here can be extremely lonely and sometimes all I want to do is pack up and go back home to be with you again so that we can share the surface level and the deep things in life. I miss you.
And I look forward the future conversations, whether they be surface level or deep, I will cherish them all.
4 comments:
Just so you know:
I just ate an apple.
Earlier I rowed 500 meters so fast I thought my lungs were going to explode.
I worked from home all day and accomplished more than I do in two days at the office.
I'm feeling alive and free and so excited to start on this photography journey in Africa, though I'm a little afraid of failing.
I also have been wearing the same shirt since last night and am still in my work out clothes since earlier this evening.
Sometimes I'm afraid of what the next few months hold.
I'm listening to Tori Amos on my iPod right now.
Apples make me burpy.
Your sister makes me feel loved through acts of service.
I wish I had some ice cream to make up for the apple I just ate.
I really love you, Katie. Thanks for continuing to be my friend even though I moved across the world.
I forgot to tell you this morning that Katie and Tina and I went Hiking on Sunday and I was almost bitten by a rattlesnake while peeing and I almost died of an asthma attack while thinking me and my fat but could climb mountains like Tina and Katie. And I have blisters on my feet the size of your face.
why do apples make you burpy? they make me burpy too!!!
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